"Cause I don’t know where it’s going, there’s a part of me that loves not knowing, just don’t let it end before we begin"
2002. Joined Weight Watchers with my mother. Lasted a few months, but being very young and one of very few males, I slowly gave up. Still a big lad.
2003, decided to try Atkins. Bought the book and everything. Started to have bad breath and couldn’t keep up with the meat sweats. Lasted three weeks, still big.
Joined a gym the same year, went almost everyday. It didn’t last. Lost motivation quickly and got very bored, still a big lad.
A few more gyms, fad diets and fast forward to 2012, I’m huge and nothing seems to be working. It’s time to make a change. I get back into Weight Watchers. It seems to be working, pounds are being shed in the first few weeks, brilliant! Fifth week comes round and I’ve put on some weight. Motivation out the window. That didn’t last long. Hit a brick wall. That’s that then. I’m just going to accept it. I’m a big lad, and I will just have to stay this way. I mean, surely, I’ve tried everything! Well everything but weight loss surgery, right? According to my doctor this was an option that was available to me. Perfect, all of the benefits and none of the work! Can’t get better! NO. I don’t want this. I put the weight on, I got myself into this mess and I want to be the one to get myself out of it.
After years of trying to lose weight, I’ve decided to take the big plunge and work with a personal trainer to live a healthier and active lifestyle in order to lose weight.
I’ve always been a big lad, and it really hasn’t ever effected me. Confidence wise, I’ve always been quite happy with my size and comfortable with my body. Through school, college and university, obviously I had some people call me names etc. but it never got to me. I loved being sociable, was a regular on nights out through university and was always the first to put myself forward for tasks and would relish in a task if it meant me being in the spotlight. I loved it! That was all until very recently.
After university, I felt my size and health were holding me back from doing what I was capable of. I wasn’t reaching my full potential. I had the personality but not the look. I never felt like this before. After a few months of not working, I got myself into a bit of an emotional mess. I was in a depressed state and would struggle to want to talk to people about what I was feeling. Instead I would bury my true feelings and act in a way that I thought people would want me to act. It was all a bit of a mess to be honest. I kind of knew this was stemming from my weight and health issues, but I chose to ignore it.
Slowly this kind of got worse, and I haven’t really spoke to many people about it, but I want to be totally open in this blog so people really understand my reasoning and importance for this as a whole. After speaking to my doctor regarding my mental health issues, a cocktail of anti depressants and counselling were offered to me through the NHS. Without any real effort, I was expected to toddle off back home and chuck a few pills down me and hope for the best. I didn’t like the idea of this at all. It was only when speaking to my family and friends about my feelings that my weight and health issues arose. Living a healthier lifestyle was one of the options I had to make myself better, and this was the option I chose. I refused to throw a number of pills to numb out my feelings and emotions. I didn’t like the idea of it. I wanted to get to the root of my issues, and I believe the start of this is to live a healthier and active lifestyle.
My sister and her husband have kindly worked to find me an amazing personal trainer who I will see this week for the first time. I’m feeling really positive about it. I’ve never felt this way about a “fad diet” or had this much motivation when I joined one of the five gyms I joined in the last ten years. I feel ready. I want this. I want to find my amazing and want to be happy again, and not having to just act it. I want this. I believe it’s my time.
This blog will feature my journey, my rants and achievements but also I will use this as a space to share my thoughts about my recent and past struggles. I aim to inspire someone else to open up and do something positive out of a really horrible situation.
This is it. Wish me luck. From now on, I will be taking my tea, no sugar.